Top Ten Signs You Have Radiation Poisoning

Wow, five months since I last posted a Top 10 list. Here are my entries for the most recent Late Show Top Ten Contest.

Someday Alice... someday Alice! bang! zoom! a Late Show Top Ten T-Shirt!

Top Ten Signs You Have Radiation Poisoning

10. Your Girlfriends all tell you that you are glowing and you're not even pregnant
    
    
9. You Burp Neutrons
   
   
8. It burns when you pee... everything your pee touches that is
   
   
7. You have a warm tingly feeling all over, but haven't done any good deeds recently
   
   
6. The fly on your pants has mutated
   
   
5. Fits of Rage turn you into a Green Behemoth
   
   
4. The colleague you've met for lunch starts mumbling "The vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison. The flagon with a dragon has the brew that is true..."
   
   
3. You've developed Male-Pattern-Deadness
   
   
2. That's the fourth person with a pacemaker today to suddenly keel over dead when you walk by
   
   And The Number One Sign You Have Radiation Poisoning...
   
   
1. You've recently made disparaging remarks about Vladimir Putin