Monday, June 13, 2005
Knife Wound
I had mentioned how happy Nian was with me for the bit of maintenance I attended to around the house on Sunday. I did fail to mention one gray cloud that entered our conversion later that night. It seems one of her Chinese friends had told her to be careful when it came to me, that I was somewhat famous, or perhaps infamous would be the better way to put it, in these parts as a womanizer.
Since I had already confessed to a long string of failed relationships to Nian, I think the words resonated with more importance than they should. In all honesty I have had not that many relationships the last couple of years, and with the exception of meeting one Taiwanese women in Seattle two or three years ago (a match.com thing) and a short relationship over ten years ago with a Korean girl I can’t see how I would have any reputation in the Champaign/Urbana Asian community as a womanizer. In fact to be brutally honest since almost all my girlfriends the last five years have been black, and since Nian’s friends are near phobic about socializing with American blacks, I don’t see how they could know anything about my dating habits. To be honest I suspect that Nian has confessed to some that I have had black girlfriends in the past, and that this has somehow circulated around within their small community giving me a reputation I didn’t have before, but is now considered fact.
It’s strange that this accusation bothers me so. It would probably sting less if there hadn’t been times in my life when it probably did fit, but not now. Maybe it is because I could see the concern on Nian’s face when she mentioned it. Still I’m pretty sure I am the victim of mistaken identity. All the more reason I would like to get this straightened out and figure out if this person actually knows me, or is confusing me with someone else, or if this is some rumor gone amok.
When you are 46 and have had an average of maybe one relationship per year and maybe dated 2 or 3 different people per year, well the numbers add up. Nian at 30 has only dated two men, so we definitely come from different dating perspectives. To Nian it would seem I have had a staggering number of girlfriends
I had mentioned an argument in the last post, and this is tricky thing to touch on, a danger of reopening old wounds so to speak, and it all starts with a story about a wound. Friday night we went and saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith the new movie starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. In it Brad Pitt gets stabbed in the leg towards the end and there after barely limps through a manic scene of killing more bad guys than I could count. The thing is I’ve been stabbed in the leg, not very severely, but my bare half-inch wound left me limping more than Brad Pit who was completely skewered.
So few really strange things happen in ones life I couldn’t resist telling Nian after the movie how my second fiancé’s sister had accidentally stabbed me in the leg while threatening suicide. I had attempted to grab a kitchen knife from her and ended up getting nicked on the leg in the attempt. In hindsight I was being much too hesitant and careful in trying to take the knife away, worrying not so much about myself, but about hurting her. I don’t think she intended to wound me with the knifepoint; she just didn’t want to give the knife up easily. This is not what led to our fight; but that I had continued on to tell how Kathleen had made up to me for her sister’s actions afterwards. I will purposely omit exactly what it is I said that set Nian off, but she took offense where none was intended, though I certainly exercised no tack, and should have just ended the story with the fact I got stabbed in the leg.
Still in the uneasy moments that followed I was really worried that I had done irreparable harm to Nian and my relationship. Things seem to balance on a knife’s edge so to speak, but we eventually forgave each other and went on to have a great weekend. Still to tie back to the beginning, this accusation from one of her friends comes at a critical time for us. We have not been together long and are already planning marriage. And even with marriage plans in the works it sometimes feels as though things could just slip away in an instant. Perhaps I should not read too much into our one rough spot. I’m sure there will be others as our cultures collide. Learning how to work these however will be the biggest challenge for me and oddly not one I’ve had to cope with often in the past. Of course that maybe the largest single reason I’m still a bachelor at this late age.
